I have been mulling over writing about this topic for a while now and putting it off hoping that the longer I leave it the better it will be, like fine wine, or it will turn out the other way like spoiled milk.
This is quite a deep piece & took a lot of self reflection for me to write about so if you don’t get it or understand it or like it & feel like I’m just rambling on about nothing, then you are entitled to that feeling & all I can say is that you’ve been blessed in your childhood & should count yourself lucky, for you are one of the few people who grew up in a ‘fully functioning normal family ’ where you have not carried any ‘baggage’, as they call it, into your adult life… Either that or you are in denial & and fearful of what you might find if you dig too deep.
I personally have seen so many mums who handle motherhood like a pro just taking it in their stride & here I am busting my ass everyday giving 500% of myself to make sure that I have no regrets & maximize the minimal time that I have with Miya to make sure that I don’t screw her up.
This observation made me question whether there Is such a thing as over-parenting in order to make up for everything that you didn’t have growing up & whether I am doing that?
We always have a lot to say about past relationships, love life etc factoring in & weighing in on how we are currently but there aren’t a lot of people who look at their upbringing and equate that to their parenting style. I’m always questioning myself as to whether I am mothering to the best of my ability or am I mothering to make up for what I felt personally was missing from my life growing up??
In order to have that conversation with yourself you have to be self aware & open enough to reflect … when I see people who are just happy to produce a child and not give 500% … is it because they are scared to question their feelings or is it because they haven’t dealt with their childhood issues to the detriment of their own children’s upbringing …or do they just have their shit together?
I firmly believe that we should always strive to do better than what our Parents have done for us, for our own kids (I’m not talking about materialistic provisions, but rather emotionally)but that’s a conscious decision that I’ve made and why I’m always pushing myself to never let my child down in certain areas where I have felt let down by my own parents growing up.
All the parenting books & guidelines and blogs in the world cannot and will never help you in any way if you aren’t self aware & deal with what kind of parent you want to be & how you want to raise your child because we all know that every little human out there is a mini reflection of those who mould them during their crucial development years!
Over the past couple of weeks of reflection I’ve acknowledged my fears, my own theories & my space and Ive made peace with how I am and what I want to achieve out of this parenting journey…. Today I want to invite you to be honest with yourself, if you’re brave enough, to reflect on what kind of parent you are… are you doing better ? Or are you just coasting along without even contemplating how your actions & behaviors reflect on your kids & the. question why… Do the work, if not for yourself then for the generation that you’re moulding!